The Milestone at 1:09 AM.

I wrote this in 2021 when I was just a lost young man. I had gotten over the initial “party stage” that usually comes with freshman college students and fell into a sense of sadness. One night, I couldn’t sleep, for my mind was racing too much. I regurgitated to the best of my ability the thoughts in my head at the time. Looking back, this was a euphoric turning point that changed my life for the better. This was my Jerry Maguire moment.

The Milestone at 1:09 AM

It’s 1:09 AM. Sleep escapes me. My body is still swimming in last night’s alcohol, and the Adderall I took to grind through schoolwork still hums in my bloodstream. But it’s more than that. My mind, stubborn and ambitious, refuses to quiet down. It’s clawing at the walls, insistent on delivering messages from the depths of my subconscious—insights too loud to ignore.

Tonight, rest is a luxury I can’t afford. There’s a gnawing hunger within me, a relentless need to grow, evolve, and become the person I know I’m meant to be. I am no expert, no licensed doctor, no sage. But I study myself with religious dedication, constantly searching for the keys to happiness, peace, and purpose. What I share here isn’t medical advice—it’s human experience. Hard-earned, raw, and true. I’ve found perspectives that help me not just survive but savor life.

Let’s start simple.

Everything is a circle. Everything that has happened will happen again, and everything happening now has echoes in the past and ripples into the future. You can be your own Superman. You can build your ideal self—your “video game avatar”—if you understand the laws that govern our patterns. But first, you have to confront reality.

I’m a 19-year-old white college student from Minnesota. Privileged, blessed, and grateful. I know I’m lucky. And that’s where much of my peace comes from. Because no matter what happens, I carry the unshakeable belief that everything will be alright. Situations—whether good or bad—are just that. Situations. They don’t define you. Only your response does.

Life, as I’ve come to understand it, comes down to a single question:
Can I do anything about this?

If the answer is yes, then why stress? You have the power to act. Do your best, and let that be enough.
If the answer is no, then why stress? Let it go. It’s out of your hands. Peace comes from surrendering control you never had.

This philosophy didn’t come easily to me. As a kid, I questioned everything. I didn’t buy the “everything happens for a reason” mantra. I’d ask:
“If that’s true, why do good people suffer?”
“Why is there so much cruelty in the world?”
“Why do we hurt each other?”

One night, I poured these questions out to my mom. She listened, smiled gently, and said, “You’ll understand when you’re older.” At the time, that answer infuriated me. It felt like a lazy escape. But now I know: she was right. Some truths unfold only with time. We’re not born wise. We’re born blank slates, and life writes on us with pain and joy in equal measure.

My younger self couldn’t grasp that the world isn’t black and white—it’s infinite shades of gray. I had to be humbled by life. We all do. It’s only through adversity that we begin to truly understand ourselves and, through ourselves, the world.

There are no quick answers. Nothing real, nothing lasting, comes fast.

Sure, we hear about “overnight success stories.” But what we don’t see is the decade of grinding behind the curtain. What looks like luck is usually grit-wearing a tuxedo. The successful aren’t lucky—they’re obsessed. They program their minds to say, “This will work. There is no other option.” They prepare for failure and greet it like an old friend. Because each failure is a puzzle piece. You can’t advance to the next level until you complete the one you’re on.

This is your game. Your character. Your rules.

But here’s the catch: most people don’t play consciously. Neuroscience tells us that 95%—maybe more—of our decisions are made subconsciously. We think we’re choosing, but often we’re reacting, running on old programs. Avoidance becomes second nature.

Take me, for example. When I’m overwhelmed, I ignore my emails. I don’t consciously decide, “I’m not checking my inbox.” I just... forget. My mind drifts to distractions—TikTok, dopamine, anything but the thing I need to face.

This is the trap: your brain wants comfort, not growth. It’s trying to trick you. Don’t let it.

Face the dragon. Run toward the fire. That’s how confidence is built—one confrontation at a time. Discipline breeds self-respect. Self-respect breeds peace.

And through it all, know who you are. Know your code. Know what you believe in and why. Whether through faith, philosophy or lived experience—anchor yourself. Spirituality isn’t the only answer, but it’s a damn good place to start. If you live your life to uplift others, joy finds its way back to you.

I’m awake right now because something inside me clicked. The chaos of the last few months suddenly makes sense. The dots are connecting. I know I’ll be tired tomorrow. But this exhaustion is sacred. What I’m writing now means more to me than a few hours of sleep ever could.

Feed your soul.

Every action has a reaction. Every choice you make has ripples. We work out our bodies, and we feed our organs. How do we nourish the mind? With education and meditation. Not school. Real education. Lifelong learning. And reflection.

Understand your past. Study your trauma. Rewrite the script. Own your mind. Make it your ally.

Even Kanye—call him crazy if you want—understands this. His bipolar disorder? He calls it his superpower. It’s part of what makes him… him. That’s the energy. Own your demons. Don’t let them own you.

Be grateful. For the good and the bad. Gratitude rewires your brain. Every situation is shaping you. The suffering, the struggle, the setbacks—they’re not curses. They’re carvings. Sculpting you into something stronger.

Now it’s 2:46 AM. I have to be up in four hours. I probably won’t sleep. But I’m okay with that. I feel something shift tonight.

And maybe, just maybe, you do too.

Remember:
You’re lucky to be alive.
You could’ve been anything—a blade of grass, a fly on the wall—but you’re you. A human. A thinker. A creator.

In the grand scheme of things, nothing matters. And that’s exactly what makes it all so beautiful.
Make it matter. Find your truth. Live your dance.

Because life isn’t a drive to a destination.
It’s a song.
And your only job... is to dance.