Pocket poems.

I see beauty

I see beauty all around me

From the copper coin on the sidewalk,

to the detail in the granite countertop I eat from every day 

I don’t need a gorgeous oceanside sunset to feel euphoric 

My perspective of senses is keen

I am dutiful to my observation skills

Everything is taken in and enjoyed with much pleasure

Through vigorous training, my internal dialogue has developed to a masterful point of strength 

Nothing external can diminish my internal spirit 

Only joy may be allowed to come in. 

I dance to the rising sun. I move to the rhythm of life. The music plays regardless.

Sometimes, I hear and enjoy it just fine,

But the calamity of past events can cause a struggle.

We’re supposed to be amphibious to joy and sorrow, but the latter seems to pull more forcefully.

Nevertheless, I still strap on my smile.

I still indulge in the banter.

Being in the garden and not smelling the roses is folly.

With every passing minute, I breathe the crisp air to the best ability.

I will always show up and allow the joy to come in.

The gods

I pray, but to no avail.

I knew not that this is what life entails.

Higher power.

God, Odin, Allah, Zeus, Buddha…

I know not what you have in store for me, but I need not be afraid.

Nothing.

Everything.

It’s all the same.

With my higher power by my side, whom shall I fear?

The gods in my life protect me.

I am untouchable.

My world

Strike me down, call me out

Turn against me

I can take it.

Nothing before me takes my courage.

In all purpose, I cannot be stopped.

I am him.

I am her.

I am the judge, jury, and executioner.

No one shall stand in my way.

This is my world, not yours.

You don’t walk in my shoes but live seen in yours.

My experience is broad, my mind sharp.

My world is vast, full of joy, sorrow, and the other.

My name is Connor David Maximilian McWilliams.

Who the fuck are you?

I carry this name with me. 

It’s what I stand for. It’s what I believe in.

It embodies me in ways action cannot.

All elements of my existence resemble this name.

This name has survived generations and will continue to do so.

Each part of this name resembles something different.

This name is my world, my experience. 

My name is me, and likewise. 

I’m sorry, it’s okay

You don’t have to feel this way.

No need to escape.

Your life has only just started.

You have your own fate.

One that others would kill for.

One that others would dream of.

I know it’s hard to see now, but be patient.

Know that you deserve happiness in abundance.

Know that it will get better.

Know that you are loved, you have nothing to prove.

The “perfect” words

I’m trying to think of the “perfect” words to say

The right phrases

The right metaphors

The right slang to seem in tune with the times

Maybe a sufficient parable

Or the perfect words to illustrate my warmth

My love is blistering, but dwindling

I can’t seem to put my thoughts into words properly.

So I kill them.

 Like a man with his mouth sown shut,

I remain silent, fucking up my own life.

For if I only spoke up, I would see…

That flawless words are flawed by principle.

The “perfect” words don’t encapsulate me

My imperfections are what make me, me

By all account, my turn of phrase authors and illustrates me perfectly.

The essence of my soul are released.

When I speak, when I write,

I will not keep silent for fear of my faults.

I should be doing more

I feel like I should be doing more

More creation

More toil

More working toward my dreams and aspirations

I feel so close, yet so far.

Will I ever reach my potential? My destiny?

Will I ever find what I’m looking for?

I know not the answer.

In the name of positivity, I say

That I’m right where I need to be.

No need to rush my progress.

You can’t expedite the procedure of distilling fine wine.

My fermentation will take the time needed.

The product will be unique and divine.

What my heart tells me

Whatever my heart tells me, I hold so dear

I do not yield to others opinions, they aren’t so clear

Clear to me, what others can’t see

My center core is seldom weak

I loathe the times my heart goes mute

I ponder when it will speak again,

Remaining attentive until it does.

I’m inclined to go, wherever it flows

And listen as much as I can

My heart has the last say.

Clueless thoughts

I’m drawing blanks

There’s so much I need to work on.

My friends and family don’t understand.

They could never see my vision.

But I wish they could.

My dreams make me lonesome.

If only I could believe in myself.

I would smile so bright.

God, please help me find the answers

For now, I just stare at the paper,

Waiting for the words to write themself.

This life can be so hard, I wish it wasn’t

I just want to eat grapes without consequence.

I’d share such grapes too.

But for now, it is not my time to indulge. 

It is my time to serve,

A feeling that while tedious at times, is far better than any of excess. 

Buck up son, you got things to do.

False hope

Misguided optimism is the Achilles heal to most,

But such a state of mind directed adequately

Is the gold of the bold

And the bold rule the world

The times I’ve spent in despair amount to more than the grains of sand in the vast universe

I’ve tried and “failed” many times,

But I hope I can realize that these failures are only pivots, serves a higher ambition.

The calling of men varies, but the struggle them must undertake and preserve remains the same.

Death, taxes, and the hero’s journey.

These are the only constants in life.